Mommy Dearest..

It's been a few days since I last posted but I figured I will try the whole "quality over quantity" approach. going forward.. ;-)

Anyhow, my parents have been staying with us for the last month or so and they leave to return to (god awful) Michigan this Sunday and the mere thought of it makes my stomach knot up... At what point do you not "need your Mommy" any more? Is that something you ever truly outgrow? As a parent to two little girls, I can honestly say I hope not. However, this thought then leads me to question what is considered to be a healthy attachment to your parents versus that of someone that is far too dependent for their own good?

I distinctly remember having a conversation when I was nineteen years old with another woman and telling her that I tell my mother EVERYTHING and that I never finalize any big decisions without first consulting her and this woman looked at me like I had three heads (which, for the record, is much stranger than just having two!). She told me that no child should ever be that dependant on their parent and that they should have the ability to make decisions maturely and responsibly without needing to continuously check in with a parent. To some degree, I can see the point she was attempting to make. Although, I think she could have done it a bit more tactfully and with a bit more consideration (don't worry! I called my Mom and told on her!).

My point is that I don't turn to my Mom because I need her to give me instructions on what to do, I turn to her because I see her as my best friend, someone that fully "gets me", and the person (above all) that has known me the longest (hell! she *made* me!)... it is for this reason, that I value her input, her suggestions (not to be confused with directions), and her advice.I don't call her to ask for permission or to ask what I should do, I call her to get her input on the decision I have already made.. but haven't carried out yet (in most cases).  I don't see my relationship with my parents as "too clingy" or "too needy" but I see it as a great blueprint as to how I should raise my own kids (I don't think I came out all *that* bad :-)). Am I the only one out there that still values this closeness with their parents? Perhaps it is a "girl thing" and something that pertains to only mothers and daughters? I have no idea. All I know is, my mother is super close to her mother (and my grandmother is an incredibly poignant, respectable, hardworking, woman so I undoubtedly know why) and I am incredibly close with my own. I can only hope my girls grow to have the same type of relationship with me.

People say I smile too much, I giggle more than most, and I am always very chipper and I genuinely believe it is a result of always knowing no burden is ever truly my own to be had. My mom is my support system, my back bone if you will. When things get too stressful, it is to her that I turn and am able to vent, cry, laugh, whatever... and never is there any judgment, criticism, or guilt for doing so. How many people can say they have that with another being (aside from your spouse, of course!)?? From my experience, not many.

So, if you see me walking by and I have a huge smile plastered on my face, please know it is not due to being delirious, dumb, oblivious, or high; it is because I was raised by an incredibly loving mother (and father!) and I have every reason for doing so! 

Not in vain.

After some serious consideration and an intense debate with myself as to whether or not I wanted to discuss this topic and revisit some deeply embedded scars (that still, after fourteen years, cause me to involuntarily cringe at the mere thought), I came to realize this something worth sharing... worth putting a face on. My experience with this particular topic impacted my life so greatly that I have to speak out, I have to reassure those going through the very same things I did, that there will be a tomorrow and things *will* get better. Even if this only reaches one, single person and helps them to find the strength to make it through the day, hour, minute....then I feel the torment, heartache, and utter desperation I endured for nearly six years will not have been in vain.

Amanda Todd. Many of you have heard of her and for those of you that have not, I am sure will know her story in due time. Unfortunately, "her story" isn't just hers to be had (see link below). Statistically speaking, each and every one of us either knows someone and/or has been a victim of bullying firsthand. I am the latter.

Point blank: bullying has continued to grow in both numbers and severity and nothing is being done to stop it. Oh wait! There are things being done to stop it: kids are killing themselves, cutting themselves, bringing weapons to school, and turning to drugs and alcohol in desperate attempts to make it to stop. Sooo...those that are already suffering are the ones that are being penalized for the destructive actions of others? Any one else out there see anything wrong with this? It has become much easier to hide behind a screen name from the comforts of your own home and harass someone and social media has become a open outlet to those looking to do horrible things to others. In other words,  if you want to be a giant coward, the Internet is the way to go!

My personal experience began in the girls locker room during the end of my eighth grade year when I was forcefully shoved into a locker from behind and directly into a jagged piece of metal that sliced open my chin. Why was I shoved? I have no earthly idea. I hardly knew the girl that did it, I didn't know it was about to happen, and I had no way of preventing it from happening. Over the next several years, I was cornered in a phone booth and attacked, jumped in the main gathering area of the high school and assaulted (repeatedly!), followed home on my school bus and jumped in the middle of the street by four girls (that were *much* larger and older than I was), had my head slammed down into my desk in Art class and a bulk of my hair ripped out of my head to the point of bleeding (I mastered the comb over until the hair grew back!), punched in the face while a huge crowd cheered the girl on in a parking lot, thrown into a set of lockers (don't worry though, my head stopped the rest of my body from hitting the metal too hard!), kicked in the shin while walking up a set of stairs simply because I was there (clearly, I missed the memo I wasn't allowed to attend the homecoming football game),.... need I go on???

The point is, this needs to stop. No one should go to school fearing for their life... literally fearing they may not make it home that day. No child/teen should question what they did to deserve this, why they aren't good enough, and contemplate if it is worth going on...but they do and in some cases, such as Amanda's, they truly feel their only way of finding relief from the constant anguish is to make the ultimate sacrifice. It isn't fair, it is sickening. If someone is bullying another person, they need to face serious consequences. There is no real punishment in place, nothing for these people (and I use that term loosely when referring to a bully) to fear as a consequence for this unacceptable behavior. It really needs to be "an eye for an eye", if you will.

In hindsight,  I attribute the bullying I experienced to several factors: poor home life for the bully, inadequate parenting of the bully, lack of morals/values on the bully's behalf, and possibly downright jealously. However, it has taken well over a decade to fully understand that. While I was in the midst of this nightmare, I questioned every fiber of my being. As a person, you can't justify what you are being put through and begin to accept that you quite possibly deserve it. It breaks you as a person, as a human being even. It causes you to be in a constant state of anxiety, to be very jumpy, and to continuously check your every move. Once you have gotten past the initial stage of shock, you slip into the "numb phase"... you develop the ability to simply not feel anything... you don't care about anything, any one, or what the future holds because you are convinced you won't make it to have a future anyways so why does it matter anyhow??  You lose friends, you become a loner, you become withdrrawn, and lose the ability to fully trust anyone. The only thing that got me through this experience was my secure home, my loving parents, and my best friend. Without them, I am not sure (nor do I care to to think about it!) where I would have ultimately ended up.

Today, I am in a great place with an incredibly family and homelife, but I would be lying if I didn't find peace in knowing that karma came full circle. Each of those that tormented me have had to suffer for their actions against me. Many of them never completed schooling, some of them got into really negative relationships resulting in less than ideal outcomes, and most of them have been involved with some serious legal issues. Does it make me a bad person that I find relief in their outcomes? I don't think so. I simply feel it reinforces my faith and demonstartes that "God won't lead you to anything He won't see you through".

Now, back to what is fair punishment to those that do this to others? I most certainly feel there should be a 'three strike" rule. If you are harassing and/or bullying another student in school, you should be waterboarded...okay, not really (well, maybe.) but you should be expelled and forced to do both community service and allowed to receive your GED. Realistically, if someone is spending their academic career doing such negative things to others, they are not there to learn and thus should not be permitted to receive the same education as those that are there for the right reasons. Bullies are distracting, a waste of tax payers money, and nothing more than a blemish in the school-aged population. I would apologize for feeling this way, but I would be lying if I did. I have seen the impact this negative behavior has on others and it is unforgivable.

I was raised to know right from wrong. I know not to deliberately hurt others, you just don't do it. I was raised to know that others have feelings and I was taught to be both autonomous and empathetic. These are all traits that any decent parent teaches their children. These are traits that make a child grow into a loving, caring, and productive citizen amongst our society. If you don't teach/demonstrate these things, than these children become bullies. I have seen bullies of all types and I still see them as an adult from grocey stores to the workplace. They are unable to be happy when good things happen to other people, they don't appreciate seeing people advance, and they are resentful when others are recognized for their accomplishments. However, rather than being angry at them, I pity them. They are poor excuses for human beings and they will never know true happinesss... how much sadder does it get than that?!

Amanda Todd's tormenters are still bullying her on websites and she is no longer here to defend herself. These morons need to be charged with harassment and I think the idiot that posted her naked picture as his default pic needs to be charged with murder. If this is taken as seriously as it needs to be, there are many lives that will be spared and maybe, just maybe, those that may have chosen bullying as a way of demanding attention and to establish their self-worth may opt to do something a bit more constructive and positive with their lives. Overall, it is a win-win situation for all involved.

It is so gut wrenchng to know that Amanda felt her only way out was to end it all at only fifteen years of age, she had her whole life ahead of her and if given the chance could have done great things but she was robbed of that chance. Isn't robbery a crime? If so, then someone needs to pay for this. The person that did this to her needs to be held accountable. She is no longer here to fight for this cause, but I am and I will.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/10/08/ohio-school-bullied-teens-dead-hand/



Liger-worthy.

After watching a good portion of the VP debate last night, I am thoroughly convinced I NEED to run for president next time around... well, that and that Biden's dentist needs to questioned as to what the h*ll he was thinking by letting that poor man leave his office with those crazy chompers! I couldn't help but laugh every time he opened his mouth... anyhow, I shall digress..

Do I remind you of anyone?

So, the family and I have decided to get a cat (and by "the family" I mean "me") and I have been doing some research on the best breed to get (I know, I know..."save a life and get a rescue"..blah blah blah) and we (aka "I") have narrowed it down to a Savannah cat. They are the most dog-like in personality minus all the annoying doggie habits... I get to have my cake and eat it too! I contacted what appeared to be a legitimate breeder (from Uganda that only required my social security number and for me to wire him some emergency funds to help his poor uncle escape from jail over there...what harm is there in that??) and he and I went back and forth until I started noticing 'red flags' (eg. his spelling became increasingly sloppy <- and not "drunk sloppy like mine becomes after one too many drinks" but like "stupid sloppy", he insisted on sending funds to hold the kitten via Money Gram not PayPal, etc.). Ultimately, I called his bluff. In fact, I threatened to report his arse to the FBI for being such a d-bag! I was so mad.

Overall, it isn't a huge deal I suppose as I didn't disclose any personal info that would jeopardize my identity and/or personal accounts. However, it really bothered me that there are such jerks out there that waste their time by doing this and take advantage of the vulnerable, less skeptical portion of the population. My solution to this you ask? Well, I plan to upgrade my Savannah to a rabid Liger and train it to attack and then I am going to hunt this moron down and let Lenny (my Liger) go to town on him!  Ugh.




Meow.

 Anyhow, after today's series of events, I think I need a drink.. and to write this buttmunch a sloppy email of my very own!

Until later..

Keli for President!

For some never-to-be-fully understood reason, I decided to break down what our monthly expenses are for child care (2 kids under five years of age) and for property taxes on two properties (in what I am convinced is THE most highly taxed county in the entire world!) each month. *insert drum roll here (or if you are me and actually have to pay this absurd amount on a monthly basis, insert appropriate dry heave here):

We pay $3,348 in tuition and property taxes *EACH* month. This is absurd....and nauseating. Now, mind you, this is just property taxes (exclusive of a mortgage) and for schooling (not full-time), for two small children. After seeing this (and immediately thereafter attempting to make myself un-see it), I got to thinking:

How is the "typical middle class" American family supposed to ever get ahead? Simply put: you can't. There is no earthly way to live in a decent-sized home, drive a modest vehicle, pay your taxes, and put your children in school without both parents working full-time and having to make sacrifices. My husband and I don't live extravagantly but we do live comfortably and there is zero chance we could make ends meet if we didn't have the support of our family and two steady jobs. What do people do that don't have these resources? How do they get by? It infuriates me each time I go to the grocery store and pay $5 per case of water and then still receive a quarterly bill for $432 for running water in our home that isn't "safe enough for my children to drink". This entire economical situation is the result of sloppy management and poor planning. It is the result of greed, gluttony, and outright selfishness. No one thought about the longterm effects, and even worse, no one thought about those that were going to be impacted by this when this whole thing boiled over. So, here we are with the mess *they* made and we are the ones stuck cleaning it up.

I am not sure how we got to this point as the "American dream" has become nothing more than a figment of the imagination since no one can seem to achieve it without having to do so either fraudulently and/or with massive debt to accompany it (which, in all honesty, sounds more like a nightmare than a dream anyhow!). To be frank, I could care less who wins this upcoming election because this country is in such a mess that no one person, President, or Wizard could fix it in four years anyways...I just want us to get on a more positive path so that twenty years from now, when my kids are entering "the real world", they can actually reap the rewards of their hard work. Our current state is sad, pitiful even. However, I say "kudos!" to those that are actually working hard, contributing to a better tomorrow, and keeping afloat during this crisis. If nothing changes in the next four years, than I am running for Office. My policy is this:

1. The harder you work, the less taxes you pay (if you contribute towards building, both literally and figuratively, a better country, you should be rewarded with some sort of incentive...or at the very least, a decent tax write-off)
2. The higher your grade, the more grants you receive for college (the more educated America becomes the less likely we will continue on the same, negative path)
3. Marry whom ever you like, albeit man or woman, as long as you are hardworking, law abiding citizens.
4. All pedophiles are eliminated. Choice of death determined by the parents of the child that was harmed.
5. Teachers get paid more, CEO's get paid less.
6. Health care for all... everyone must pay according to their family size (if you have 20 kids, you should have a higher premium than a family of three)
7. If you are on welfare and continue to get pregnant/reproduce and/or are found to be doing drugs while on it, your GA will be terminated.
8. Marijuana should be legalized...and taxed.
9. Renters should pay property taxes, not just homeowners (renters utilize just as many resources- schools, parks, police officers, etc.- as homeowners do!)

That's about it. Who's in??? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a campaign to start working on...  :-P

When I grow up...

Sooo... it's been quite some time since I decided to blog (oddly enough I am still 29 years old! *cough cough*) last and I think it is about time to step up my blogging-game. I figure I am too busy to jot down my thoughts, am too frantic to actually remember most of them, so this was the next best thing (you can never be too prepared for that moment when you are 80 years old and wondered what you had for dinner way back on Wednesday, October 10th, 2012... today is the 10th, right?)...Alternatively, I could just do what I have been doing for the last 4+ years and throw tidbits of info, articles, and hair into one giant book for me to "get to later" like I have been doing with my kids baby books (and the award for the "World's Worst Mother goes to...").

I am in a pickle (not literally, although I do love me some gerkin so that wouldn't be the worst thing ever!) as I cannot decide what I want to do "when I grow up" and I have been in my career for a decent stretch up time but am still not certain this is "it". I love my job, I love who I work with, and I love the industry (pharma) I am in but can I see myself doing this twenty years from now (you know, when I turn 49  ;-))? I am not sure. I keep hoping my hubby will land a dream job that pays well enough for me to stop working, hire a personal masseuse named Swen, and travel the world (with my kids in tow, of course... and their nanny!) but I am starting to think that may not happen in the immediate future and I need to find a more likely alternative. Any suggestions? Is there any thing out that that any one that knows me may think I may be any good at? Any one at all? Bueller???

Uh, so back to the drawing board I go...I will sleep on this and get back to you. Until then, I will continue to collect my interesting articles, tidbits of adorable memories, and random hairs to put into my giant book that is still awaitiing some serious organization. I promise one day I will get to it. Really. I will.

Ciao!