Don't get me wrong, I have said my fair share of pretty hurtful things and I can get downright nasty when my husband and I argue (I know, I know... it is hard to believe that little ol' me could be anything less than angelic *cough cough*). However, when it comes down to it, the thought of waking up one morning and him not being there makes my stomach cringe. I want to vomit. How do you stop loving someone that you have built a life with? How do you walk away from the house you have built into a home? I am not saying it can't happen, because it clearly does. What I am saying is that is scares me sh*tless that I don't understand what the driving factors are that lead up to it. A great portion of my family has either been on the brink of divorce or has actually gone through with it and, in most cases, it was the best thing for everyone involved. However, is that something that built up over time until it ultimately broke them and they needed a permanent relief or was it something that was there all along and just denied?
There are days that I wonder how I made it twenty-four years without Mirko in my life and there are other days that I am grateful I did because it allowed me to see how wonderful he is (in comparison to the many meat-headed d-bags I dated prior to him!). Two things I learned from this? 1. I like my men to have necks, it gives them character and 2. You need to love and respect yourself before you can offer either to a relationship. No relationship will complete you, you need to be complete before you even approach it. A true, healthy relationship will compliment, not complete you.
I suppose the possibilities truly run the gamete and the reasons for divorce really can be attributed to an endless list of factors. However, I have started to see the trend of people that go into marriage thinking "if this doesn't work, we can just get divorced". It isn't something that should be taken so lightly and if you are not 110% on it, don't do it. Life doesn't offer guarantees and, quite frankly, I know many people that are married that probably shouldn't be but I think it is a result of one, or both, parties falling out of love and being indifferent to the relationship. The worse thing anyone can be is indifferent to something and/or someone. Once you have stopped caring altogether, irreparable damage has been done.
Marriage is not easy, I know this firsthand. It isn't something that "just works". You aren't going to wake up every day content with the relationship and there are days where you may not even speak to one another. However, I didn't go into this expecting those things. I was realistic when I said "I do" and I was prepared for tough times and for some seriously heated arguments (and the seriously heated make-ups *wink wink*). I am not naive and am fully aware that I could end up as 60% of the population has years from now, however, I won't go down without a fight and giving it my all. I didn't enter this marriage with divorce as an option, I entered it with the intent of beginning a life with my best friend and partner for life.. If something isn't working, we fix it. We work with one another and we find a solution. End of story.
I am not judging those that have given it their all and the marriage simply does not work but I am judging those that treat this fragile commitment with such carelessness and disregard. There are obvious exceptions (abuse, infidelity, etc.) to my feelings on this entire thing but it makes me sad to know that some people walked away from something that is so great without giving it a wholehearted attempt at making it work. To those that know my story and the terms in which Mirko and I met, you know it truly was a whirlwind and "one for the books" and some may have viewed it as "rushing in" but eight years, two kids, two houses, and three jobs later, here we are and I would not change one, single thing. I love the man I married, I love the life we have created, and I love the fact he "gets me"... and still wants to be with me for as long as God sees fit! ;-)
Until later...
