You see, we had two kittens reserved (and paid for) and they were scheduled to be picked up this Saturday, December 8th... one week and two days from their neuter/microchip surgery. No big deal. I mean, this surgery is performed on millions of animals across this world and is super routine, right? Wrong. Last Thursday afternoon, I received a frantic phone call from the breeder stating that one kitten did not make it and had passed away immediately after coming out of the anesthesia. A million thoughts rushed through my head: What are we going to do now?! Do we still want to get the other, remaining kitten?! And...(most importantly) What am I going to tell my kids?! I wanted to cry, scream, and throw up all at the very same time. I had a pit in my stomach over how I was going to explain this to my young children as they had met the kittens, held the kittens, and asked about the kittens every day since we made the decision to get them, and were counting down the days until they formally joined our family.
 |
| Mia & the kitty she was *supposed* to get (RIP) |
After the initial shock and heartache settled, I pondered on what the best thing to do was for us as family and for the kittens we were longing to get. Ultimately, we decided it was best to tell the breeder we really did want two kittens from the same litter as that would help with the traumatic transition from the only home they have ever known into the home of two very rambunctious children that were deliriously excited upon their arrival. I opted to tell my oldest daughter that the kitten had to go to a different home because he bit someone (I think this pretty much solidified the fact that I am going to hell in a hand basket by not only lying to my daughter but lying on behalf of the soul of a poor, deceased kitten! Agh.) and she was okay with it. I emphasized we would be getting two other kittens and that they wouldn't bite and she would love them just as much once she met them.
Through all of this, there was one theme I couldn't help but take note of: everything happens for a reason (<- quite possibly *the* most cliche phrase that has ever existed..but still very true nonetheless!). This isn't the first (and I am 110% certain it won't be the last) time that the humbling reality that there is something greater calling the shots in this roller coaster we call life (although, it was one of the most blatant). While it still makes me very sad to know this poor kitten didn't have a fair shot at life, maybe I need to see the bigger picture and understand there were bigger things planned and that was His plan all along? I always find peace knowing there is a blueprint in which we all play a part in...however it scares the living bejesus out of me not knowing how short (or hopefully long!) my time-or the time of my loved ones-have in this blueprint of life.
When a dear friend of mine passed away in November 2004, I kept reminding myself that he had lived his life the way it was meant to be lived, died the way he was destined to die, and that he was with Him now and in a place where he would know no pain, hurt, or despair. While it provided minimal comfort at the time (grief is a powerful and all consuming thing!), it did help me get through the initial adjustment of not having my friend here anymore. To this day, I still try to keep this at the foremost part of my thought process... we are all just here and along for the ride while He is in control. We can either fight it, accept it, or embrace it. I prefer the latter.
I know you are probably wondering how the hell I went from a kitten dying after having his testicles removed from losing a dear (human) friend many years ago, but please bear with me and continue reading. I have a point, I really do.
Is there a greater plan for each of us? I can confidently say there is. Does it help me get through life's challenging times knowing that I believe in a greater Being? Without any hesitation, I say "yes!". Do I think it is okay to sometimes be angry and possibly question His plan when you are being tested to your absolute breaking point? If you are human, than of course. However, as long as you don't deviate too far from His path and remain faithful that everything will work out the way it was *meant* to be (not the way you possibly *planned* for it to be), then you will be okay. I am not one to push my beliefs on any one or try to force my faith on any one and I respect anyone that has a strong religious belief...whatever that religion may be (as long as its basis doesn't encourage harming others, of course!), however, it breaks my heart when someone believes in nothing. Isn't that a lonely and purpose-free way to live? Whatever the case, I hope I can raise my kids to know they are my purpose and that any bumps we may hit along the way, as long as we have faith, we will get through it...together.
Oh, and I can promise to continue to lie to them about big jolly men that crawl through our chimney once a year, a magical fairy that robs them of their teeth, and the brutal reality of losing pets. When they are old enough, I will explain to them that all living things go to Heaven and their souls never die. Until then, I will carry the burden of truth that and protect them from harm and hurting and let them know that there is a God and that is how I got so blessed to be their Mommy!
 |
| My heart! |
 |
| My other half of my heart! |
 |
| Brody & Woody Joldzic |
No comments:
Post a Comment