After some serious consideration and an intense debate with myself as to whether or not I wanted to discuss this topic and revisit some deeply embedded scars (that still, after fourteen years, cause me to involuntarily cringe at the mere thought), I came to realize this something worth sharing... worth putting a face on. My experience with this particular topic impacted my life so greatly that I have to speak out, I have to reassure those going through the very same things I did, that there will be a tomorrow and things *will* get better. Even if this only reaches one, single person and helps them to find the strength to make it through the day, hour, minute....then I feel the torment, heartache, and utter desperation I endured for nearly six years will not have been in vain.
Amanda Todd. Many of you have heard of her and for those of you that have not, I am sure will know her story in due time. Unfortunately, "her story" isn't just hers to be had (see link below). Statistically speaking, each and every one of us either knows someone and/or has been a victim of bullying firsthand. I am the latter.
Point blank: bullying has continued to grow in both numbers and severity and nothing is being done to stop it. Oh wait! There are things being done to stop it: kids are killing themselves, cutting themselves, bringing weapons to school, and turning to drugs and alcohol in desperate attempts to make it to stop. Sooo...those that are already suffering are the ones that are being penalized for the destructive actions of others? Any one else out there see anything wrong with this? It has become much easier to hide behind a screen name from the comforts of your own home and harass someone and social media has become a open outlet to those looking to do horrible things to others. In other words, if you want to be a giant coward, the Internet is the way to go!
My personal experience began in the girls locker room during the end of my eighth grade year when I was forcefully shoved into a locker from behind and directly into a jagged piece of metal that sliced open my chin. Why was I shoved? I have no earthly idea. I hardly knew the girl that did it, I didn't know it was about to happen, and I had no way of preventing it from happening. Over the next several years, I was cornered in a phone booth and attacked, jumped in the main gathering area of the high school and assaulted (repeatedly!), followed home on my school bus and jumped in the middle of the street by four girls (that were *much* larger and older than I was), had my head slammed down into my desk in Art class and a bulk of my hair ripped out of my head to the point of bleeding (I mastered the comb over until the hair grew back!), punched in the face while a huge crowd cheered the girl on in a parking lot, thrown into a set of lockers (don't worry though, my head stopped the rest of my body from hitting the metal too hard!), kicked in the shin while walking up a set of stairs simply because I was there (clearly, I missed the memo I wasn't allowed to attend the homecoming football game),.... need I go on???
The point is, this needs to stop. No one should go to school fearing for their life... literally fearing they may not make it home that day. No child/teen should question what they did to deserve this, why they aren't good enough, and contemplate if it is worth going on...but they do and in some cases, such as Amanda's, they truly feel their only way of finding relief from the constant anguish is to make the ultimate sacrifice. It isn't fair, it is sickening. If someone is bullying another person, they need to face serious consequences. There is no real punishment in place, nothing for these people (and I use that term loosely when referring to a bully) to fear as a consequence for this unacceptable behavior. It really needs to be "an eye for an eye", if you will.
In hindsight, I attribute the bullying I experienced to several factors: poor home life for the bully, inadequate parenting of the bully, lack of morals/values on the bully's behalf, and possibly downright jealously. However, it has taken well over a decade to fully understand that. While I was in the midst of this nightmare, I questioned every fiber of my being. As a person, you can't justify what you are being put through and begin to accept that you quite possibly deserve it. It breaks you as a person, as a human being even. It causes you to be in a constant state of anxiety, to be very jumpy, and to continuously check your every move. Once you have gotten past the initial stage of shock, you slip into the "numb phase"... you develop the ability to simply not feel anything... you don't care about anything, any one, or what the future holds because you are convinced you won't make it to have a future anyways so why does it matter anyhow?? You lose friends, you become a loner, you become withdrrawn, and lose the ability to fully trust anyone. The only thing that got me through this experience was my secure home, my loving parents, and my best friend. Without them, I am not sure (nor do I care to to think about it!) where I would have ultimately ended up.
Today, I am in a great place with an incredibly family and homelife, but I would be lying if I didn't find peace in knowing that karma came full circle. Each of those that tormented me have had to suffer for their actions against me. Many of them never completed schooling, some of them got into really negative relationships resulting in less than ideal outcomes, and most of them have been involved with some serious legal issues. Does it make me a bad person that I find relief in their outcomes? I don't think so. I simply feel it reinforces my faith and demonstartes that "God won't lead you to anything He won't see you through".
Now, back to what is fair punishment to those that do this to others? I most certainly feel there should be a 'three strike" rule. If you are harassing and/or bullying another student in school, you should be waterboarded...okay, not really (well, maybe.) but you should be expelled and forced to do both community service and allowed to receive your GED. Realistically, if someone is spending their academic career doing such negative things to others, they are not there to learn and thus should not be permitted to receive the same education as those that are there for the right reasons. Bullies are distracting, a waste of tax payers money, and nothing more than a blemish in the school-aged population. I would apologize for feeling this way, but I would be lying if I did. I have seen the impact this negative behavior has on others and it is unforgivable.
I was raised to know right from wrong. I know not to deliberately hurt others, you just don't do it. I was raised to know that others have feelings and I was taught to be both autonomous and empathetic. These are all traits that any decent parent teaches their children. These are traits that make a child grow into a loving, caring, and productive citizen amongst our society. If you don't teach/demonstrate these things, than these children become bullies. I have seen bullies of all types and I still see them as an adult from grocey stores to the workplace. They are unable to be happy when good things happen to other people, they don't appreciate seeing people advance, and they are resentful when others are recognized for their accomplishments. However, rather than being angry at them, I pity them. They are poor excuses for human beings and they will never know true happinesss... how much sadder does it get than that?!
Amanda Todd's tormenters are still bullying her on websites and she is no longer here to defend herself. These morons need to be charged with harassment and I think the idiot that posted her naked picture as his default pic needs to be charged with murder. If this is taken as seriously as it needs to be, there are many lives that will be spared and maybe, just maybe, those that may have chosen bullying as a way of demanding attention and to establish their self-worth may opt to do something a bit more constructive and positive with their lives. Overall, it is a win-win situation for all involved.
It is so gut wrenchng to know that Amanda felt her only way out was to end it all at only fifteen years of age, she had her whole life ahead of her and if given the chance could have done great things but she was robbed of that chance. Isn't robbery a crime? If so, then someone needs to pay for this. The person that did this to her needs to be held accountable. She is no longer here to fight for this cause, but I am and I will.
Wow Keli. I'm sorry to hear you were ever treated this way! I didn't have an easy time either but it certainly wasn't to this degree (or anywhere near, really.) When I was in grad school to become a teacher I thought about doing my thesis on bullying. It is an epidemic--I thank God often I wasn't in HS with Facebook or MySpace. If you are going to be working for this cause, check out www.itgetsbetter.com. It's a great site!
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